Unshaming Masculinity

We live in a culture that is mired in shame. I use the definition of shame by my teacher, David Bedrick, that says “Shame is the absence of a loving witness.” Shame is caused by the absence of a loving witness, or, by the presence of a shaming witness. The shaming witness’ presence can be an external person such as a family member, or an internal “inner critic,” whose purpose is reinforcing self-hatred, judgment, dismissal/minimization, gaslighting, etc. Such shaming experiences are common and widespread in society.

Men especially experience a great deal of shame around what it means to be a man, and we often feel that we’re doing it wrong, not being masculine enough, or being TOO masculine. On top of this, society tells men we are supposed to be stoic and independent, and not need help. But in reality we are desperate for access to loving witness, with whom to process and heal our experiences.

What would be different if we could express our truths in the context of loving witness?

Unshaming is not about fixing or changing whatever is there—it is about accepting and integrating it. This method works by accessing our sensory grounded experience in the present moment, also called the soma, rather than the mind. Through this practice, and with a loving witness’ presence, significant personal transformations are often unlocked.

The result? You become more you.